By T. Harv Eker
Have you ever wondered why you haven’t reached the level of
success you want in life?
Many of us are afraid of failing, at least some of the time.
But fear of failure is when we allow that fear to stop us doing the things that
can move us forward to achieve our goals.
But for a lot of people, it’s not a fear of failure holding
them back…
It’s a fear of success.
When you’re afraid of success, you can find yourself getting
very close to your goals – and then suddenly falling short. You might not even
know why — or what you’re really afraid of.
Recently I had a conversation about this with a student
during one of my Tough Love Mentoring calls, and I discussed why this happens…
and the three steps you can take to identify, understand, and
overcome your fears today.
When you find yourself stumbling on the path to success,
there are three elements you need to do if you really want to create change.
The first element is Awareness. The second is Understanding. And the
third? That’s where you Reprogram or Rewire yourself in
order to change your conditioning.
Let’s take a look at each of those 3 steps in more
detail…
Step 1 — Awareness: Get To Know Your Fear
You may tell yourself: “I have a fear of success.”
But what is it about success that’s so scary? What’s the
story in your head that’s really holding you back?
Until you identify it, you’ll never be able to move on.
So what do you do? If you have a fear of success or even
failure, narrow it down.
Ask yourself: what is the belief at the core of your fear?
Write down exactly what your mind is saying. I’m not talking about general
terms – I want you to dig deep and be as specific as
possible. What are you afraid will happen?
Some of the most common fears I hear are things like this:
- “If I succeed, everyone’s going to want something from me.”
- “I’m going to have to take care of my whole family, and I don’t want that responsibility.”
- “I’m going to have to pay too much in taxes and I hate taxes.”
Once you nail down what you’re really afraid of, it’s time
for the next step…
Step 2 — Understanding: Why Your Fears Aren’t Real
Now there’s one thing that is really important to understand
if you want to be successful…
Everything you’re telling yourself right now
is complete freaking bulls**t!
It’s made up by your mind itself. Fear isn’t real.
Now I mentioned earlier that this came up during a recent
coaching call. And during that call, one of my students disagreed with me on
this. She told me, “Not all fear is bulls**t. I don’t believe that.” But
let me explain what I mean when I talk about fear.
What is the definition of fear? It’s the anticipation
of pain.
And when you’re anticipating something, is that past,
present or future? It’s not the past or the present. Anticipation is the
future. But it isn’t the actual future – it’s the future you’re imagining. And
guess what? The future doesn’t exist – yet.
That’s what I mean by bulls**t. It’s only imagination. It’s
not real. It only feels real because you made it that way. That’s why it’s so
important to overcome the fears holding you back.
You weren’t born with this fear, by the way. When you were
half a minute old, you probably weren’t saying, “I’m going to have this
fear that I’ve got to take care of everybody now.” That came later, as you
grew up and learned to see the world a certain way.
Ultimately, you’re the one making it up.
You’re the one continuing to buy into that story. Whether
it’s good or bad, everything you tell yourself is really just a story. We just
make the whole thing up as we go along. And the sooner you realize that, the
sooner you can let that story go.
“Fear is just the anticipation of pain. Ultimately, you are
the one making it up.”
Step 3 — Reprogramming: Finally, Let Go Of Your Fears By Reframing Them
After you’re able to understand that your fear isn’t real —
that it’s just the future you’re making up — the final step is looking at the story
you’ve told yourself, and reconditioning or reframing it.
And by that, I don’t mean telling yourself “This belief
is wrong.” Since fear lives only in your imagination, there’s nothing
right or wrong about it.
Instead, I want you to ask yourself a simple question: “Is
this belief helping me, or not helping me?” It’s that simple.
The truth is, you can change your beliefs any time you want
to.
So every time you have a fear that’s holding you back, I
want you to tell yourself, “That’s not helpful. I’m going to believe
something else.”
Then, take a moment to reframe it. For example, take the
fear I mentioned earlier: “If I am successful, everyone’s going to want
something from me.”
Stop and think: Where did that come from? Was there
a person in your life who told you this? In this example, maybe it was your dad
– and every day he would say to you, “Don’t bother trying for more because
if you do, everyone’s going to want it. Everyone’s going to be a taker.”
That’s his frame. That’s his belief. But it doesn’t
have to be yours.
You have the choice to let it go and believe something else.
Why would you want to cut yourself off now from being successful just because
you might have to worry about a problem in the future?
I always say, “Why don’t we just cross that bridge when
we get there? How about you become super successful now, and worry about any
problems as they come up?”
Once you stop worrying about what’s going to happen in the
future and start living in the moment, you’ll be amazed at how much progress
you make in a short time.
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